As my years of travelling all over the land for games of fitba rapidly came to an end, it was rather fitting that I found myself in a town that I truly loved & adored for the penultimate match. Birthplace of both the Deep Fried Mars Bar and ‘The Celebrated Pedestrian’ Robert Barclay Allardice, the latter was a captain in the 23rd Regiment of Foot, who became a celebrity around 200 years ago for having walked 1000 miles over 1000 hours for 1000 guineas at Newmarket in 1809. Captain Barclay regularly ambled approximately seventy two miles between breakfast & dinner, meaning he could have left my Tillicoultry home after a large bowl of Frosties and arrived in this Aberdeenshire seaside burgh long before the Carron Fish Bar flogged their final battered chocolate treat of an evening. Long time readers will know that I lived in Aberdeen for nine years and during that time I was a frequent visitor (by train, not foot) to this settlement set in Dunnottar Castle’s spooky shadow. Often I went there to drink & dine in the awesome Marine Hotel, or to simply take a stroll aboot the busy harbour or along the pebbly beach. Their legendary CAMRA Beer Festival was always well worth attending too. This afternoon I returned with a plan to repeat some of those ‘greatest hits’, but my primary mission was to do something I’d never done before: head to Glenury Park and watch Stonehaven in North Region SJFA Premier Division action.
Any information regarding the history of 125 year old Stonehaven Football Club was seriously hard to come by. In fact far more data was available on the town’s long extinct senior side, who only operated during the 1890s, were based at ‘the Urie Ground’ and once got an 11-0 pumping aff The Granite City’s Caledonian. As for our Junior hosts, we know they were formed in 1919, have always called Glenury Park home and traditionally played in an all blue ensemble. Recently they seem to have adopted the usual away colours of black & yellow as first choice, this change might well have been made so their attire coordinated with Stonehaven’s ultra cool nickname of The Hive*. From here it’s pure guesswork on my part, but the fact they didn’t win any Junior trophies prior to 1963 did lead me to the conclusion that Stonie spent their first few decades as an amateur side. That win in sixty-three was the first of two Aberdeen & District Junior Cups, which came with a pair of Duthie Cups all while the Sixties were still swinging. Since then The Hive have won a dozen more cup competitions (including four McLeman Cups as well as the same number of Morrison’s Cups) and have been no stranger to a league title either. Their most impressive victories came in 1990 & 1994 when they became SJFA North Region Champions by winning the Premier Division, a feat they almost managed for a third time when finishing second in the 2012 Superleague.
As with club history, details on former ‘Hive Heroes’ were incredibly difficult to discover. It amazed me that there was far more information online about one mad auld bastard & his extreme walking fetish than there is about all the players who ever plied their trade at a club now over a century old. Two former ‘Glenury Greats’ have been identified however; one many will remember fondly and another about as obscure as you can get. Our more famous name is part of a footballing dynasty, the Aberdeen, Dundee United & Scotland U21 midfielder Jamie Buchan. Stonehaven gave his career a beginning, as he played for The Hive on loan from Pittodrie in 1995, prior to ever fulfilling a full fixture for The Dons. After Tannadice Jamie enjoyed spells at Partick, Peterhead & Montrose, before finishing his career during the 2009/10 season in The Highland League with Cove Rangers. Martin Buchan was his much more successful father, who left Pittodrie to play over 450 times for Manchester United (and be capped thirty eight times for Scotland), while Grandfather Martin Snr & Uncle George both played for Aberdeen too (with the elder Buchan becoming an Arab decades before his grandson). Valentinas Sulkevicius was the other, far more abstruse, ex-Stoney star I was able to uncover, with the midfielder arriving at Glenury in 2013 and bringing Lithuanian top flight experience with him. I’ve managed to establish Sulkevicius played for FK Silute early in his career and prior to landing on our North East Coast he made multiple appearances for A-Lyga outfit FK Jonava. Any other details regarding The Hive’s first and perhaps only Lithuanian, were beyond my ability to reveal.
Pre-Match Pints
I’d given serious thought to walking from my mate’s house in Bridge of Don down to Stonehaven in tribute to their local hero, the Napoleonic War’s version of our Captain Tom. However, after roughly 0.00042 seconds, I decided it was a ridiculous idea and instead got in the car with Mr & Mrs Bennett-Cowie and (thanks to the new bypass) was in Stoney harbour in a jiffy and ready for a return to The Marine Hotel. Relief washed over me when I discovered she was largely unchanged apart from the odd splash of paint, as the wall displays of pump clips, nautically themed restaurant and beautiful whisky topped gantry all still remained. Also still there was the vast selection of craft keg & cask ales, many from their own Six Degrees North Brewery located a few yards behind the pub. I had a Six Degrees Kriek while one of my companions selected a Brulo 5 Fruit Gose, from an extensive alcohol free list. Sitting down it was great to see the grub was still amazing too. A wee bit posh, but not overly extortionate (eighteen quid for the pheasant main course) I went for a soup and sarnie combo; their amazing hot smoked salmon skink & pastrami with horseradish. It was great to be back after so long and perfect to feel totally at home in one of the dozen or so iconic Scottish pubs. Not so long again to next time I thought.
Next up was more for the traditionalist pub drinker, a free house right on the town square: The Market Bar. She was an auld haunt of mine by virtue of being next to the taxi rank but, having returned, there are far more reasons to enter her than that. Proper old school seventies, where large framed photies of years gone by show the pub unchanged, just the punters fashions of a different era. A ‘Nae Shite’ sign on one wall was quality, so was the pint of McEwan’s Export the sign with the Cavliler outside had promised. Yet I’d pass on the pumping techno music in the future. Two curiousities here, firstly no Guinness with Belhaven Black positioned as the stout du jour. Who doesn’t sell Guinness in 2024 outside of wanky craft beer or cheeky cocktail places? Secondly, why does a manly, man’s boozer have a tap from upmarket Swansea vodka makers AU, one that mixed their spirit with a range of fizzy fruit juices? So out of place, like finding Liberace’s candelabra doon a coal pit. Regardless, a fine regulars pub, well deserving of being as busy as it was.
The Ground
Glenury Park is a relatively simple setup, part of a much larger sports area just north of the town centre. We had a grass pitch surrounded by chain link fence, with no shelter from the elements and only a couple of benches to rest bottoms upon. The Hive occupies part of a pavilion that is shared with a cricket club, whose oval lies next door, located in here was an impressively large shop with refreshments, merchandise and a QR code guiding punters to the club online retail area (excellent idea). The shop was manned by wonderfully friendly ladies, who were doing a roaring trade in bagged boiled sweets called Stoney Sookers; emblazoned wi’ the club crest they must rival Darvel’s empire biscuit for brilliantly weird club merch. As for the rest of the ground there ain’t much to write home about. There was a smart shipping container with a large cohort of hospitality punters inside, then flat grass terracing round two sides of the playing surface with a final touchline curiously covered in artificial grass off-cuts. As for that playing surface, she’d had some work done ahead of this game. Terrible rain recently and a match played here on Tuesday yet the pitch was in great nick. Not a muddy area or patch of sand in sight (take note Dundee)
The Game
After both line ups were recited on the tannoy in broadest Doric and with the laddie mascot in a rather simple bee costume paraded about, our NRJFA Premier Division clash against Newmachar United began. The very first chance fell to our visitors who smashed the ba’ out for a shy such was the inaccuracy of the strike. More opportunities came as Newmachar played some lovely passes towards our host’s box, although The Hive’s goalie was never much threatened. Quarter of an hour in however and things completely changed, Stoney struck the crossbar with a delightful free kick and had a sumptuous cross saved. In addition the home number nine loudly calling someone (or something) a ‘dirty bastard’ drew a fair few laughs around the ground about this time too. The action remained hard and fast, with tough challenges but few clear cut chances. It was not destined to remain goalless however, with newly promoted United getting on the score sheet first and their number 8 slotting the ball home. Then, with break looming, the referee (who wisely let a few hard tackles go unpunished to allow the game to flow) was in zero doubt about awarding a penalty to The Hive. Armstrong drilled it home, but while the boys were buzzin’ in the wake of equalising, a Newmachar man found himself in acres of space and unopposed in front of goal. Stonehaven going behind again looked certain until the forward made a rip roaring arse of it and, instead of blasting the ball goalwards, took 5,428 too many touches and it ended up in the ‘keeper’s hands.
At the break was a splendid steak pie, which was the only pastry based option, but every bit as good as the legends did suggest. Their Bovril was spot on too, yet it had barely touched my lips before Stonehaven shockingly took the lead when the goalie failed to hold Caie MacDonald’s long range shot. From here on began a period of Hive dominance with shot after shot coming without further goals. Unfortunately in hospitality men (understandable given our North East setting) took to watching the Aberdeen vs Celtic Scottish Cup Semi-Final as it entered extra time, with the non-prawn sandwich brigade also switching on smart phones to check on the action along the touchlines. For a while the action in front of us became incidental, but not for me as I enjoyed a spirited clash that was periodically soaked in spring sunshine. It was really amazing to see the game keep its pace & physicality throughout, the lads on the field were tough but talented and despite no change to the score the remainder of the game was a pleasure to watch.
The Aftermath
After full time it was off to finish my first Stonehaven day out in many a year with a scampi supper at The Carron. Their markie potato made chips were first class but I couldn’t stomach a go at that icon of Scottish high cuisine and thus left the battered Mars Bars to my companions. God I still love Stonehaven; beautiful town, friendly folk with the UK’s greatest accent and of course that great bastion of Scots-Belgian beer The Marine Hotel. It was tremendous back in the day and was still terrific this afternoon. Ale selection (including the alcohol free) sublime, décor perfect and food you’d sell your granny for. It is a must stop at shoap for anyone visiting Stoney and that was reflected in the enjoyment I saw in the eyes of punters of all ages from all different places today. That said it might not be to the taste of those with a more traditionalist views on the local pub, but luckily they’ll love that Market Bar, as real a boozer as you’ll get. Unchanged in decades and God willing shall remain unchanged for decades more.
As for Stonehaven’s football club, I really should have been here for a visit at least fifteen years ago. As stated my ignorance of the local Junior football scene during my near decade in The Granite City was disgraceful, even as I regularly enjoyed Pittodrie and Allan Park, I should have made time for this excellent grade up here. Regrets aside I thought The Hive were a pleasure to watch. Thone Captain Barclay would have been impressed by their ability to keep up the pace throughout, but his Georgian Era ears might have been somewhat sensitive to all the fucking swearing coming from the pitch and dugouts. To me though it added a bit of humour to the day and demonstrated the passion of all involved. Passionate, that’s the word. A team passionate about winning and a small band of supporters passionate about willing them on. All around a pitch that only great passion could get it looking so good in such hard times. I suppose I’ve always had a great passion for the town of Stonehaven, but now I’ve got it for their fitba team too.
*This was confirmed by the committee, who told me club colours were swapped to go with the new nickname during Stoney’s Centenary year.
The Fitba Nomad 