Kicking Off at Kelty

Some football clubs are happy just doing the same old thing, season after season, year after year. As long as punters keep turning up and the team plays well the average side are happy with their lot. Kelty Hearts are not one of those teams however, a SJFA East Region powerhouse, with a history full of titles and trophies, they abandoned their Junior status at the end of last season to try their luck in the East of Scotland Football League. The aim: to climb the senior pyramid system and reach the promised land of the Scottish Professional Football League. Yes it’s all kicking off at Kelty and today I’m headed to New Central Park to see the EOSFL new boys take on Peebles Rovers.

Founded rather recently in 1975 Kelty were never supposed to be a Junior side, in fact they were set up with the intention of making it to the top of the Amateur ranks, working their way up the Kirkcaldy & District Amateur League in the first few seasons of the club’s existence. A friendly against Halbeath Juniors in 1979 changed the course of Kelty for good. Halbeath were a top Junior side, looking for a warm up game prior to a Scottish Junior Cup quarter final clash against Pollok. Instead of a friendly they were handed a beating by Hearts, impressing the Junior side so much they snapped up five key Kelty players at season’s end. Realising their potential to inflict major damage onto big Junior clubs the Maroon Machine entered the Fife League in 1980 (with a young manager by the name of Jim Leishman at the helm) and never looked back.

Kelty soon became part of the elite in the Junior game winning every trophy available in Fife, even taking three titles on the trot in the early ninties. A host of quality players pulled on the maroon shirt, helping the club to success, including Dunfermline Athletic ‘Hall of Famer’ Andy Tod, ex – Kilmarnock & Dundee United ‘keeper Alan Combe and Raith Rovers League Cup winner, Heart of Midlothian Scottish Cup winner & Scotland star Colin Cameron. In 1999 they reached the OVD Cup final for the first time in a losing effort against Kilwinning Rangers, but defeat, the dawn of the 21st century and SJFA reconstruction didn’t halt Kelty’s winning ways. A second Scottish Cup final defeat in 2007 (against Linlithgow Rose this time) may be a sore point to fans but it began a decade of success becoming East Region Superleague champions in 2015 and in 2017 as well as finishing runners up in the season between.

Therefore today I will be watching the reigning SJFA East Region Superleague champions in action, but not in the act of defending their title. Junior status has gone, senior football returns to this Fife town and it looks like the gamble is paying off. Kelty’s stats this debut EOSFL season are astonishing; played seventeen games, won seventeen games while scoring one hundred and nine goals yet only conceding seven! Second placed Leith Athletic are ten points behind while today’s opponents Peebles sit sixth in a thirteen team league with half the points and a third of Kelty’s goal tally. It looks like I may see a domineering performance today and plenty of goals, so let’s get on with it…

Pre-match Pint

Despite being relatively close to home the town of Kelty is a bugger to get to for me. Using public transport it would be a bus to Alloa, then a bus to Dunfermline and then a bus to Kelty (and that’s the easier option). Well folks I’m not too proud to admit that rather than face hours on the bus I convinced my auld Maw to drive me through, in a journey taking just 25 minutes.

When I told folk down my local where I was off to today I was warned that Kelty was a bit of a rough place, but after being deposited on Main Street and having a scout about it’s pretty much the same as most wee towns around the country. Sure there are a few shuttered up shops and scabby buildings but there is also a braw looking bowling club, a shiny new community centre and a wee park with its own Native American totem pole. Coming from Tillicoultry I feel quite at home with all of this, particularly as there is also a backdrop of hills.

I was also warned, quite firmly, that I should avoid the pubs of Kelty as they would be dangerous, and I must admit that those warnings came to mind as I arrived at my first pub the No1 Goth. Goth (short for Gothenburg system) pubs were once a common sight in the east of Scotland prior to World War One, with Fife having twenty such places. Originally they were community owned, designed to tightly control consumption of alcohol and divert some profits back into the local area. A major premise of such places was they were not to be attractive or welcoming, to discourage drinking and this venue fits the bill with a worn and ramshackle exterior. Upon entering my fears fade away as I’m faced by a large, bright and welcoming interior with freshly upholstered booths, big long bar and a massive telly on which the Hibs vs Kilmarnock game is about to start. A pint of Guinness is served politely and promptly and I settle in as Hibernian score two right from kickoff. It’s a lovely local boozer but practically empty at this time which, unfortunately, makes it all to easy to hear a punter ranting about immigrants. In a line that sounds like it comes from a Stewart Lee stand up routine he actually says “If you say you hate fucking Muslims they call you homophobic!” Every circus has it’s clown and I suppose every boozer has theirs too.

Back on Main Street I walk north west, past the local primary school to the next establishment, The Kings which from outside (in a residential area) is a bit difficult to distinguish from a house. They have gone to town on the interior decor however; glittery rock effect tiles behind the bar, thick textured wallpaper and sexy black satin upholstered seating. In a good way it is not unlike Biff Tannen’s penthouse in Back to the Future Part II’s alternative 1985. The place has a great drinks selection and I enjoy a pint of Heverlee lager while a quality jukebox blasts out songs. I’d love to revisit this place in the evening, bet it is rocking.

The Ground

Turn off Main Street at the health centre and New Central Park is easy to find, tucked behind the primary school. Six quid (the Juniors going rate) gets me through the ornate maroon and white gates and into a stunning wee ground. An immaculate 3G pitch is surrounded by a freshly painted maroon fence with grass embankments behind the goals and two new covered enclosures on the east side. It is a tight wee ground where all spectators will be close to the action. Everything is modern and looks brand new, the dugouts even have those bucket sports car seats, like it’s the San Siro.

Behind the east stand I sign into a bustling social club and am immediately welcomed by a man who introduces himself as Ian Thomson, Kelty Hearts chairman. Obviously it is his mission to welcome new faces and after shaking my hand he buys me a pint and gives me a tour around the ground! In a five minute march round I’m shown the hospitality suite, thrust into the busy home changing room, say a quick hello to the officials all the while being told enthusiastically about plans for the growth of the club, the building of a grandstand etc… This surprise addition to my day was superb, the best part being that despite introducing myself as The Fitba Nomad and stating my reason for being here I believe any new punter would have been given the same treatment.

The Game

It became abundantly clear right after kickoff that there is a big gap between top tier Junior football and the East of Scotland League as Kelty set about crushing Peebles exactly as they have done to all opponents this season. Within two minutes a goal came that no one wanted to see as a Rovers defender looped a pass back header beyond his own keeper and into the goal, a calamitous start. In the sixth minute Kelty score a second but Peebles get one back (only the eighth league goal conceded so far this season) to provide the brief illusion of competition before Hearts slam in another four, making it 6-1 at half time.

During the break I nip back into the bar to buy a Kraken rum and can of diet coke, just £3 all in and it is a 35ml measure too. Despite it being rather busy Mr Thomson grabs me an insists I try the chicken curry that’s on the go for hospitality guests. Starving, I wolf down a rather lovely Rogan Josh and marvel at the treatment I am receiving.

Now you are probably thinking the second half couldn’t get any worse for Peebles, but boy it really did. Another six goals hit their net meaning they were on the end of an utter pumping, 12-1 in the end. What I don’t want however is for people to read this and think Peebles Rovers are rotten because they are not, they were simply outclassed by a vastly superior side. I know it might sound strange in a massive defeat but I thought the Rovers ‘keeper Ben McGinley played very well having some excellent saves and trying his best to organise the defence. His future probably lies at a higher level of football.

For Kelty Hearts it was very much a whole team performance and it is hard to pick a single standout player. The side were very well disciplined, knocked the ball about well and (clearly) made the most of their chances going forward. If I have to name one player though it would have to be Stephen Husband, who’s big time experience at clubs like Dunfermline Athletic, Blackpool, Stockport County and Forfar Athletic shone through. A very composed performance today from the 27 year old who is the beating heart of the midfield.

Aftermath

I don’t usually stick around after games but had a while before being picked up (cheers again Maw) so headed back into the social club which is still heaving and serves customers until half past ten! It’s a great bar doing a roaring trade and must be a massive source of income to the club. As the Calcutta Cup match begins on the big screen I get into a round with a local couple who started attending Kelty games a few years back. They are as enthusiastic about the club as the chairman and I share their belief of a bright future for the side. Before I go I finish the visit getting my picture taken with the SJFA East Region Superleague trophy, love a bit of silverware!

What a day then in the misunderstood town of Kelty and what an introduction to a fantastic wee club that is headed for big things. I loved the ambition with the desire to stay rooted as a community club, adored the unadulterated passion of fans, players & officials and was in awe of the dominant performance on the pitch. For the first time in my travels I’m sad that I am dedicated to my nomadic ways as I really could become comfortable here at Kelty Hearts where things are just starting to kick off.